Lately, I have not been here much. I’ve been in other places. Like on tire swings.
Lately, I’ve been very much in my head and, at the same time, scrambling to gather a few minutes to think. And since writing is really just thinking, the writing has been hard.
Currently I am looking for the road back in. Or roads, as the case may be. I’m looking for the paths that lead back to where the thinking happens and the words begin to form again. And I’ve been struggling because the path seems so crowded. I’ve lived a lot in the time I’ve spent away from here and when I sit down to write, all of that life bubbles over the top and I feel compelled to write about it all, in order, in detail, because I like to be methodical. But writing doesn’t really work like that. Or, at least, not for me. For me, the story I need to tell at any given moment is the story that has just caught a spark and has taken on a life of it’s own and demands to be told or else. But there’s too much here for a spark to ignite and I don’t know how to clear it all away and begin again.
So I’m taking the path that appeared on Tamara’s blog last week. A “Currently” post. A sort of catch all of all of the things that are (or aren’t) swirling. A way to get it all out so that the stories can begin to breathe in their own space in my heart and mind and maybe even catch fire. Shall we see if this works?
Currently, I am… working. A lot. But not too much. I’m working consistently and well and I’m in a rhythm and it feels really good. It’s starting to feel how I always imagined work as a freelance writer would be.
Currently I am writing a lot but not writing a lot all at once. I’m writing a lot of copy and headlines and concepts for a major hotel company and I’m realizing that working for a hotel is really, really exciting to me. To be honest, dreaming of far away places and travel and a night in a hotel room all to myself, and then getting to translate that dreaming into inspiration for a world of people, is a perfectly lovely way to spend my day. I wouldn’t have guessed it but this work suits me. (p.s. I don’t mean to be weird and not drop the name but I also don’t like to name drop so if you’re curious about who I’m working for, check out the portfolio).
Currently I am enjoying having child care. And feeling guilty about just how much I am enjoying having child care. As if the little burst of joy I feel when both of my children are well cared for and happy and gathering life experiences with other people that I can already see playing out in amazing ways in their little developing lives while I work to contribute to our family and maybe chase a dream or two makes me a bad mother. (No, it doesn’t make me a bad mother. No, it doesn’t make you a bad one either. Yes, there is a post or an essay or a spark there. See, this ‘currently’ thing is working out already).
Currently I am reading Yes, Please by Amy Poehler and Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I’m wishing that I could get through Daring Greatly faster (it’s not her, it’s me). I’m also feeling sheepish about ignoring all of the amazing reviews for Yes, Please for so long. I’ve never been a huge Amy Poehler fan but y’all, read this book. Of course, I’m also currently reading Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! What’s that you say? You too? Oh how sweet! All joking aside, I just read my own story in that book last night. Is that weird?
Currently I am making guacamole. A lot of guacamole. Because my girl just revealed that she likes it and she’ll eat it at dinner and take it to camp for lunch and that is some good nutrition right there so I’ll mash up as many avocados as it takes to get the good green stuff in her.
Lately I am struggling with parenting a five year old who can roll her eyes as if she’s been doing this for years. I’m learning that her when moods swing low, they hit me hard on the scar tissue of previous heartaches and these are low parenting moments for me. Lately, I’m looking for grace. A lot of grace.
Lately, I’m struggling with parenting a little boy who has not only found his voice but also fully grasped it’s power and volume.
Currently, I am still trying to accept that just two months separate us from first grade. And I’m feeling sheepish about attaching emotion to Kindergarten graduation as I compare today to the even bigger moments yet to come. But I’m still working through the sadness of knowing that an era, as short as it may be, of her life is over. That the school where she learned to separate from us and make friends and be brave and sing and dance and perform and love and think, is now officially in her past. And I’m struggling to remind myself that it is ok that it is in her past. That she’s taking all of that with her and it will always be a part of her. (Another spark here? Maybe).
Lately I am enjoying summer but also missing it. I’m craving Fall and pumpkin patches and birthday parties while also wishing July could go on forever.
Currently I am listening to podcasts, specifically this one which has me thinking about curating my life. Writing needs to work it’s way back into my curated life.
And, finally, currently I am congratulating Tamara for winning my Motherhood & Martinis giveaway! The rest of y’all will go buy it, right? It’s really delightful. My favorite so far is a story called Purse Person, Plural. So good.