I’d forgotten what this feels like. I’d sort of forgotten that it can happen.
I’ve done a lot of writing this year but, for a few reasons, I have not done quite as much publishing in recent months. So I’d forgotten what it feels like to say something deeply personal and then have that something resonate with more people than I’d ever imagined. I’d forgotten the thing that I say all the time – that sharing words can make the world a better place.
On Saturday, a piece of mine, was published on Scary Mommy. I was busy with family in town that day and didn’t get to check in on things until late in the afternoon. By then, my words had already made an impact. People were commenting and every comment was amazing. Every single one. You know how rare a thing that is. I wanted to cry as I read, each comment was so supportive, so gracious. Each one shouted, ‘me too!’ and ‘all this time I thought I was the only one!’ Friends, I live to see those words in comments. Because it means that I’ve put words to something we all feel and, in doing that, we all get to feel just a little bit lighter.
I’ve said it before and I know it sounds trite but this was a piece I was pretty scared to release into the world. I was even more scared to share it. And the thing that really terrified me was to share it on my personal fb page with my friends and family. I write rather personal things all the time. But usually they are inherently focused on me (yes, indeed it is all about me). Sometimes they feature my kids. Occasionally I’ve mentioned my husband. But I’ve never written about our marriage. Somehow, sharing the struggles of raising a two-year-old is acceptable. Expected. Easy. But sharing the struggle of keeping a marriage together while raising that two-year-old (and his five-year-old sister), well that feels like an entirely different world. Struggling there feels more shameful. It feels more like the thing we shouldn’t talk about.
So I almost didn’t.
But, friends, this week I’ve learned that we have to talk about these things. Not talking about them doesn’t make them any easier. In fact, it makes them a million times harder. We need to talk about how hard it is to love and support in the middle of the war. We need to talk about how hard it is to remember how why you fell in love when that first meeting, that first kiss, that beautiful wedding day, they all may as well be a lifetime ago. We need to talk about how impossible it feels some days to maintain an adult relationship in the presence of small children. And then we need to remind each other to take the long view. To look forward, into the future. Because someday the children will be grown. Where do you want to be when that happens?
But mostly, we need to speak the truths because more often than not, they are truths that we all share. And sharing really does make a difference.
Thank you for sharing my words and sharing your stories with me.
linking up with Lisa for One Word