Things I have lost

Socks (see also: gloves, hats, hair bows, etc.)

Keys

Sanity

2 of 4 wheels that belong to the model car we bought at the beach three years ago

The backs to my diamond earrings

My motivation

My sense of self, separate from my sense of motherhood

Lazy Sunday mornings with coffee and the paper

The ability to watch a Subaru commercial without tearing up

Patience

Opportunities

Naiveté – though admittedly not as much as I should have by the age of 34

The idealism of youth – though admittedly not as much as I should have by the age of 34

Grandparents

Friends

Boyfriends

The feeling that I am invincible that led me to wild adventures like canyoning and rock climbing and roller coasters that flip you upside down

A head of hair that is free of stray grays

Breastmilk

My nearly complete autobiography that was due as a school assignment at the end of my junior year in high school

The ability to stay up late with my head bent over my work

Bitterness towards friends and family

Faith in organized religion and/or the belief that there is only one answer to the question of why we are here or only one identity for a higher power

The ability to pray

Routines that brought comfort and joy

A taste for soda

An abhorrence of fast food

Admirers

And, also, haters

Cares about what other people think of me

And, also, the ability to disregard others’ opinions

The belief that I know how to do good in the world

A sense of adventure that trumps the comfortable and known

Tethers to people who saw me through my childhood

Money

Moments with my children

The unique feeling of being a newlywed

The pin I was supposed to wear everyday while pledging the business fraternity my junior year of college

The courage to be vulnerable, honest, to put myself out there, to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself

Days

Sleep

The slip of paper I need to retrieve my dry cleaning

Track of time

Memories

Vacation days

Respect

Weight

The ability to experience an unproductive moment without guilt or remorse

The feeling that all will be ok

The feeling that nothing will ever get better

Fear of endings

~~~~~

Linking up with Lisa. The prompt I chose this week was Lost. Many of these, of course, I have since found. And, perhaps, lost again and found again and the cycle continues. Some remain lost, living forever in the ether. Like those darned socks.

What’s been interesting is how much lighter I’ve felt since I wrote this list. We think of loss as a bad thing, a sad thing, something uncomfortable that requires mourning. And, it does. But after that, isn’t there almost always a feeling lightness? Also, looking over this list and realizing that lost things can be found is a hopeful kind of thing.

What have you lost?