Growing Together: Mother of Imperfection

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growing together

Welcome to another week of growing together!

A few months ago, when I brought back my weekly gratitude practice, a friend introduced me to a group of like-minded writers who come together every week to celebrate ten things of thankful. And that is where I found Sandy of Mother of Imperfection. Woven into her thankfulness each week are lovely stories of growth, moments in which she reaches right alongside her children and finds beauty and learning. I am so honored to share her words with you here today as she talks of her struggle with perfectionism, something I’m sure you know just as much about as I do. Enjoy her words and then be sure to visit her in her space.

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To a perfectionist, realizing one’s shortcomings is difficult. As a parent that struggles with perfectionism, it is a harsh reality.

For many of the years that I have been a mother, I have worked like a dog to maintain the control I feel compelled to hold onto when it comes to our lives. My motto has been “Because I said so” thinking that this is all that needs to be said. It has taken me a very long time to learn that control is not only an impossibility, it is wrong.

I am able to find fault in my actions, in ways both big and small, every single day.

I have said no too many times and sometimes for no good reason.

I have gotten angry too many times over a pile of clothes on the floor or an unmade bed.

I have chosen too many times to do laundry or sweep up dog hair instead of playing a game.

All in the name of control….and it is costing me too much.

The perfectionist ways I honed for years have got to be set aside. There will come a day when these children, my gifts, will be grown and gone I will once more have clean floors, made beds, and a laundry room free of piles of clothing and wet towels.

But today, I need to live with the dog hair on the floor for another day to go out and throw the football for them to catch as they jump into the pool, complete with my goofy running commentary and keeping score. I have to let the laundry sit in the dryer for another day so we can laugh like fools playing Apples To Apples and playfully argue the ridiculous reasoning behind choosing the winning card.

They are changing before my eyes. They are growing into their own and I realize that I have got to grow with them. I don’t want them to remember that I only said no or chose a chore over time well spent with them. One day I want to be sitting around the table with their children and hear them telling the story and belly laughing about the time that mom…..

I am and will always be a work in progress. I know that I will still have moments when I stumble. Every day,God willing, I will get a do over. I don’t believe that growth stops and I do believe there is always a lesson to be learned.

They grow.

I grow.

We grow.

~~~~~
Mother of Imperfection Profile

Sandy is a wife/mom/cheerleader/chauffeur/tutor/referee/psychologist/nurse to five kids: hers, his, and theirs. When she’s not on a sports field or court of some sort (or the laundry room), you can find her writing about life in it’s sordid reality at Mother of Imperfection.

16 Comments

  1. Pingback: Growing Together at Raising Humans - Mother of Imperfection

  2. I too have perfectionist tendencies and know the feeling well that I have to try my best sometimes to let things go and have to try my best to remember your words here. Very wise, Sandy!! ;)
    Janine Huldie recently posted..The Pin It Party – Week 59My Profile

  3. Beautiful! Words that I definitely need to hear and take to heart because I have done the same thing far too many times.
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted..Beauty in the BrokenMy Profile

  4. We are all a work in progress. A lot of people just don’t realize it, sadly. Throwing the football and silly commentary sounds much more fun than cleaning, anyhow.
    Twindaddy recently posted..I’m Just A Regular GuyMy Profile

  5. Such beautiful truths here, Sandy.
    Sarah recently posted..TToT31: Sometimes It’s Just EasyMy Profile

  6. Hi Sandy at Tricia’s place!
    This is beautiful.
    I have struggled with fear of loss of control in every which way, and very surprisingly, parenthood didn’t throw me over the cliff. In fact, it talked me away from it.
    I yell too much. I say no too much. I work too much. I’m annoyed too much.
    However it’s coming around a little more – that our days our filled with much more yeses than nos.
    Tamara recently posted..Famous People & Cats I Have Loved.My Profile

    • Thank you, Tamara! I really do appreciate the kind words. I’ve been practicing the ‘yeses’. My family likes it when I practice!
      It is a difficult thing to give up control of things and when my kids were younger, it wasn’t an issue. When they are small, they really rely on you to make the decisions and give the guidance. Now they are more independent each day and I’ve had to learn that I’m not the only one holding the wheel any longer. We’ll see how it turns out…
      Sandy recently posted..Growing Together at Raising HumansMy Profile

  7. Sandy, isn’t it invigorating and empowering to Let Go and Let God. I’m by no means a religious person so I apply that saying for myself to the higher power of my understanding all of my life. You are the most amazing, warm, kind gentle woman that is loved very much by Phoenix and I! We’ve learned so much about your journey and have allowed me to feel normal with all of my shortcomings. Just as you are now prioritizing life with throwing the football with the kids (huge hugs and applause there)…I too head out to throw the tennis ball. The clock is ticking ever too fast and the other stuff can wait. We appreciate you deeply always :)
    Mike recently posted..CANCER-FREE CONTEST! Win $100…My Profile

  8. 1. As parents, we think control is the way. We do as coaches, too. There’s an element of order that must be maintained, but the hardest thing is that it isn’t effectively done with an iron fist – no matter how much it feels right.

    2. I realize the tragedy in telling my kids I can’t play because I’m writing a post about being a dad. So, I enact rules. I will play – but I need that time later, too. These posts won’t write themselves, and it’s part of what I give them.

    3. The belly-laughs will come from the times we say “what the heck? why not?” I had an urge to lead a conga line at a school function once. Wholly inappropriate. I wish to this day that I had done it, though.
    Eli@coachdaddy recently posted..Go Ask Daddy About Cosmic Convergence, Luxury Excursions and Solar EmergenceMy Profile

    • 1. Truth. I know some of it comes from being raised in a house where the”iron fist” was used to its fullest extent. I try to remember that I didn’t like the way it felt and not cross the fine line. Sometimes I fail.
      2. This is usually how it plays out here now, too. I do my thing in the morning and at night after things settle down. The in between belongs to them.
      3. You should have….if the opportunity arises again….get ‘er done!
      Sandy recently posted..Pay Attention To Our DaughtersMy Profile

  9. Oh I struggle with this all the time – control and perfectionism within a very uncontrolled environment and with kids who are anything by perfectionist! But those moments when I can just let go and live in those moments and be with my children are the best. We’re getting better at finding a balance over here! Thanks fo sharing these words.
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..High Five FridayMy Profile

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