If you’ve been blogging for more than a minute, you no doubt know this week’s Growing Together guest already. And if you don’t know her, then I am positively giddy to introduce you to the fantastic Chris from The Mom Cafe. Chris is a genuinely lovely and gracious woman that I am honored to call a friend. Her words always inspire and bring a smile to my face and the story she has brought here today is no different.
Read on about the beautiful way Chris meets her children right where they are in the better part of parenting and then be sure to visit her at The Mom Cafe.
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The Better Part of Parenting…
My sweet and sensitive daughter is too scared to sleep alone, so she sleeps with her little brother every night. She is now in middle school, and one would think she is old enough to sleep on her own. And although her brother sometimes tries to reject her wishes, she begs and pleads and bribes him every single night. I help to support her case, while encouraging her to work through her fears. I too, plead and beg and sometimes bribe her brother- for the sake of my girl’s desperate fear.
Middle schoolers should be able to sleep on their own, right?
Not my Cassidy. She comes into my bed in the middle of the night trembling and crying, having had a nightmare or terrifying vision she just can’t shake.
I embrace her where she is and honor this very real and very raw piece of her that takes over and won’t relent.
I meet her here. In this place. Where’s she’s stuck. In this phase.
There’s no pushing.
Only the better part of parenting.
And I hope that someday?
She will find peace in her slumber. And the scary dark night will evolve into a haven for rest.
But until then?
I can only hope to help her through this long drawn out season of her life, and carry her through until it passes.
Some may question my choice in parenting.
“She’s old enough to sleep on her own by now!”
To that I agree.
Maybe even scoff with a fierce critique.
“Don’t you grow tired of having your pre-teen be so needy at night?”
Why yes I do.
But what lies beyond these challenges, is the better part of parenting…
I tend to my child’s needs, despite their ages and stages and worn and weary phases…
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My son still asks me to help wipe his bottom. He’s now a third grader. He has been able, at times, to do it all on his own with sweet victory, but the messy times or moments of weakness still prevail. The discomfort he feels about this very act is real and raw. I honor this fragile and vulnerable part of him, because don’t we all have fragile and vulnerable parts in us?
He knows that I respect this challenging area in this little guy’s life. We don’t need to make it something shameful or claim it as disgrace. It is just a phase he grapples with, and there will surely come a time, when this will all be a humorous piece of history. Just yesterday I told him he promised to do it when he was FIVE, and then SIX, and then SEVEN, and then EIGHT, and now NINE! We all laughed uncontrollably at the lunacy of it all…
But I still meet him here. In this place. Where he’s stuck. In this phase.
There’s no pushing.
Only the better part of parenting.
And I know someday, my son will surely complete this act without a thought. I know he will overcome his angst at the mess and learn that dreaded finely tuned skill of cleaning it all up. It will slowly improve over time…
But until then?
I will carry him through this private process, until it passes.
Some may question my choices in parenting.
“Don’t you get tired of wiping his butt?”
Why yes I do.
Maybe even scoff with a fierce critique.
“He STILL doesn’t even wipe his butt alone?”
Why no he doesn’t.
But what lies beyond these challenges is the better part of parenting…
I tend to my child’s needs, despite their ages and stages and worn and weary phases…
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I’ve been stuck. In many stages. Far from where I should be.
And when I struggle- I long for my loved ones to honor just where I am and tend to my needs.
And so it seems, that in parenting these people I love most- I will always do the same. And as they grow through the countless stages and phases of life and seem to get stuck in certain places, I hope they know I will always and forever meet them there.
No pushing.
The better part of parenting.
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Chris Carter is a SAHM of two pretty amazing grade school kids. She has been writing at TheMomCafe.com for almost three years, where she hopes to encourage mothers everywhere through her humor, inspiration and faith. You can find her here. And here. And here. And here. And here.
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