Sometimes weekly gratitude is hard because the week has been long and I’m tired and the things that I am grateful for just don’t float to the top.
And sometimes weekly gratitude is hard because the week has been long and I’m tired and the things that I am grateful for are overflowing. Bumping into each other and elbowing each other out of the way, eager more space in my heart and in the limelight of my thoughts.
This week, gratitude is hard in the overflowing kind of way.
This week, I made new friends. I experienced those big, beautiful, relationship-growing kinds of moments. I took risks and tasted some sweet success. This week, I said tearful goodbyes to a significant era of my life and stepped out into a new beginning. This week, I spent more time with my babies and basked in the glow of their growth and this special moment they are in right now.
This week, there were many lovely, little things.
cake pops and old times
She was off from school this week. The little limbo between school and summer camp. And I wish I had been able to carve out more time with her. A full day would have felt so decadent, just me and her, just like old times. But it wasn’t meant to be. Not this time. And so I settled for those few hours between ending my work for the day and baby brother waking from his afternoon nap. She asked to make cake pops one day and, eager to get back into the kitchen with her by my side, just like old times, I obliged. And they were awful. Messy, yucky, long and intensive awful. So awful that we threw them all away and never even got to taste the fruits of our labor. So awful that after tossing those little chocolate blobs in the trash because they refused to set in our freezer, we discovered that our freezer and fridge were, in fact, broken. A box of ice on my kitchen counter, big enough for just the absolute essentials, awful.
But? We stood, side-by-side, in the kitchen. She asked and I said yes and we did it. Nothing between us but sugar and chocolate and sweetness.
girls night out
It’s a recurring theme here but this week, I went out. I didn’t think I wanted to. I considered not going. I was tired and spent and busy and overwhelmed. I considered sitting on my couch and letting it pass me by. But I went out. And just like every time that came before, I’m so glad I did. I don’t know why I forget in the spaces in between how important my friendships are to me. I don’t know why I forget that when I am feeling tired and spent and overwhelmed, those are the moments when I need to go out and breathe with friends. Breathing with friends is a very lovely little thing.
I’ve already recapped BlogU and I won’t rehash it all again. But sitting here, now a full week out from those moments and those people and that incredible sense of community, I am amazed by how strongly I still feel it all. We may have all returned home to our lives and our families and our laundry but we’re still connected. We’re still supporting one another from miles and miles away. We’re all rising and though we’re doing so in different places and at different speeds and in different ways, we’re doing it. Yes, I’m still on the my-first-conference high and it’s lovely.
the end and the beginning
This week, I ended an era. A seven year era of working at a place that had become my home. My family. This week, I also began a new era. A big, brave step into a big, brave, new world. And there is more to say about that than could or should fit here. And I will say it all once I’ve taken some time to let my heart settle. But this week I spent some time curling up in those moments of ending and beginning and I’m grateful that I had the time and took the time to sit in those moments. And I’m grateful for the people who sat there with me. Thank you.
My week has heard a lot of words. And all of them nestled into my heart to make a home and find their place as some of my favorites. But this week I’m keeping them all to myself. Some things, a girl just can’t share.
Instead, I leave you with the words of Lisa Jo Baker. “The only way through is through.” She says it, referring to motherhood but this week, it led me through when I wanted to stop halfway through so many moments. If you haven’t read her book, Surprised by Motherhood: Everything I Never Expected about Being a Mom please rush off to find it now. I’m not finished yet but reading it is like chatting with a longtime friend about all of the emotion of this huge phase of life.
Happy weekend, all. This morning the sun is bright and the air is cool and I hope you enjoy the moment.