I never did my typical holiday recap.
I think it’s because by about 3:00pm on Christmas Eve I was read to call it quits. I wanted to be done.
By 5:00 on Christmas Eve I nearly made a declaration that the next person to cry would have to leave. Just go outside. Come back when you’re done crying.
My cheeks were still a bit damp as this thought occurred to me.
And, of course, there were miles and tears to go before it would all be over.
Looking back on it now I feel a little bad about all that. But not a lot bad. Because as Sarah smartly pointed out, it’s ok to just go through the motions sometimes. Even on Christmas. And it’s ok to wish for it all to be over. To feel done before it’s really done.
I started to worry that I had not followed my own advice. That I had fallen prey to the call of Christmas and I had just started doing all the things, forgetting to do just what brings me joy.
But really, it wasn’t that at all. Every blessed thing I did this holiday season was something I love to do.
The truth, simply, is that there is precious little that I love to do when the baby is on a combined nap and hunger strike and the preschooler is acting out because she is out of her routine and therefore out of sorts and hopped up on Christmas excitement and a few cookies too many. When we’ve had illness after illness and I just want to put the thermometer away. And I didn’t mean to leave anything to the last minute but I lost the time I had planned on.
I struggle to find joy when we reach that inevitable tipping point that happens with small children when everything leans just slightly off kilter, enough to throw all the balance off just enough to make every little thing slightly harder in a way that adds up quickly.
Of course, I did pull it together. And by 9:00 Christmas Eve, the stage was set and it did look lovely.
And the next morning, all were delighted. Everyone has heard about the earmuffs Santa left our girl. Nearly as many have heard tell of the teepee.
And by a Christmas miracle, the baby napped that day. And everyone woke up in the afternoon happy and peaceful.
And we did it.
And happy memories were created amidst it all. Of course. Because nothing is all good or all bad. We take them both together and we do what we can.
And we learn and we grow. And we look forward to next year.
How were your holidays? Are you easing into the new year?
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