One.

My sweet, baby boy,

One year ago, this very minute, you and I were waking up to greet your first full day in this world. We were tired. So tired. Mine was that just-gave-birth exhaustion. What I have come to realize is a very special kind of tired. When I can fall asleep at any minute but, uncharacteristically for me, wake easily and happily when a baby cries. It’s a good tired. Yours was a just-born kind of tired and you struggled to shake it. I wanted so much to stare into your eyes but you wanted so much to sleep. So I let you sleep. There’d be time, I was sure, for eye gazing and cuddling and playing.

Yes, in the past year, there has been plenty of all of that.

There are are so many things that I didn’t understand before you were born. How two people could create two different children. How one person could love two little people with all of her heart – how there could ever be enough room for it to feel anything but unequal. How boys are very different from girls and to deny that is just silly. How exhaustion is powerful but love, indeed, is more powerful. How the pain of even the longest day or most sleepless night can fade, even just a little, with a hug or a smile or a giggle.

In just one year, you have taught me about all of these things.

These days you are happy. And cuddly. And sweet. You giggle easily and smile even more easily. You thrive on love.

You are also loud. So loud. I joke that you had to find your voice and its most extreme volume to make sure you are heard in this house.

You have energy. You play hard. You wander and explore. But always, when your curiosity has been satiated, you come back to snuggle in my lap.

You and your Daddy have formed a special bond. You spend early mornings together and in that routine, you have shown him the importance of moments like that, with you. And he has shown you the importance of calm and quiet in the morning.

You and your sister. Your relationship is, right now, everything I dreamed it would be. You light up when you see her. And she loves to love you.

And for me. Right now I know you know how much I love you. And I know how much you love me from the beautiful, unspoken way of baby hugs and smiles and mad-dash crawling to the door when I come home at the end of the day. Don’t let them call you a mama’s boy, but you will always be my boy.

Right now you are crawling and almost walking. You are babbling but not quite talking. You are growing. So fast. So fast.

This first year has been magical. It has been hard. And it has been life changing. And we look forward to so many more.

Happy birthday, my baby.

Love,
Mommy