These days. One more

| 21 Comments

These are the days when I want just one more minute.

Of sleep.

Of thought.

Of writing.

Of being.

Just one more minute to get the words out. Complete a thought.

One more minute nestled between the covers, mind wandering in a dream. One more minute of conversation before the needing and the wanting consume the quiet space. One more minute to take a deep breath before the next minute comes and I’ll need the calm that one deep breath can bring.

These are the days when I want just one more hour.

Of play.

And work.

And cuddles.

And living.

Just one more hour to fit more in. To feel accomplished. To feel satiated.

Just one more hour and I’d finish that post. Write that article. Start that project. One more hour and I’d feel like I gave them my all. Left it all on the field. One more hour and I’d feel like I got my fill of loving them.

These are the days when I want just one more day.

Of weekends.

Of this time.

And of the time that came before.

When he was brand new. When she was little and dependent. When she cried when I left the room. When he and I spent our mornings and afternoons together. Before school and friends and peers. When her life was baby simple.

girl and fence

And of the time that came before that.

When it was just us. Just us two. Traveling and wandering and living in the way of that time. Drinks with friends in the evenings and coffee in bed until noon.

Just one more day.

These are the days when I want one more. I want to hold on.

When I notice her long, big-kid limbs and the way she runs now, she doesn’t toddle. When I notice her voice and realize that her toddler-speak has smoothed out into eloquently flowing words and phrases. When she frees her hand from my grasp and runs to the park so fast I couldn’t possibly keep up. When she throws herself into everything she does and I know she’ll continue to throw herself at life, at bigger and more amazing things, and I’ll always be running to catch up.

running in backyard

When my heart aches as I walk past the empty spot, next to my bed, where his bassinet stood. When I serve fruits and veggies into his open and eager mouth, remembering that just the other day he was sustained by me and me alone. When I watch his back strengthen as he tries to sit and I know that sitting will soon turn to crawling and crawling to walking. When I know what’s happening here, I know the path he is on because I’ve seen it before and I know it leads away from me in the most beautiful and heartbreaking way.

baby feet3

These are the days that are so very long but somehow still fly by so mind-blowing-ly fast. The days when I’m struggling to make it to bedtime and wishing I could just close my eyes for a few minutes before dinner and oh my goodness will this day not end? But then, is he really another month older already? And has it really been a week since I last wrote? A month since I had an hour alone? Two since we went out on a date? She is three and a half and how is that possible?

These are those days.

They drag in lightening speed.

And I’m holding on.

And running to catch up.

And wishing for more.

21 Comments

  1. “The days that drag in lightning speed and I’m just holding on running to catch up and wishing for more…” This is such a beautiful post and the idea behind it is universal to all parents. Wanting that one more minute or hour but at the same time/in the same breath, wishing days away that go on for too long. You have described that bursting heart of every parent just perfectly. Speechless at the gorgeous writing. Just speechless.
    Ilene recently posted..PresenceMy Profile

  2. I love this post. It’s so true. If there was only an extra hour in the day where I could focus on myself and my own projects. If there was an extra day where I could devote every second to my family or if I could go back and really enjoy a day before kids with my husband. I guess sometimes it’s about making the most out of the time we have now.
    Melissa @ Completely Eclipsed recently posted..Slowing DownMy Profile

  3. I felt every bit of your post in my heart. You described it perfectly and I could completely relate to motherhood being “beautiful and heartbreaking”.
    I look forward to reading more of your amazing blog!
    Stopping by from TheSITSgirls.
    Grace recently posted..It’s My SITS Day!My Profile

  4. I echo every sentiment above, Tricia. Your writing is sublime, and is always such a balm and a joy to read.

    The other day I kissed The Boy goodbye at the bus stop and he looked up, smiled, and said “Mooooom, stop!” Heart break and big sigh … he’s getting older. xo
    michelle @ this little light recently posted..Sweet Little Thing Catch-UpMy Profile

  5. You wrote my life :)
    Loved this, Tricia.
    Alison recently posted..Parenting TheoriesMy Profile

  6. My older will be four this summer. My younger will be one. I’m having a lot of yikes moments about it, especially since my friend just had a squishy newborn last week and it’s making me think crazy thoughts about #3.

    Beautiful.
    Tamara recently posted..Moonrise, Moonset.My Profile

  7. This is such a beautiful post and beautiful sentiments Tricia. Truly beautiful writing too. It’s a constant tension for me between wanting one more minute/hour/day and wanting that time to pass by just a little bit faster. I guess that’s the nature of parenthood?

  8. You wrote it well. We are torn between wanting time to pass and wanting it to stop. I know these feelings well.

    xo
    Elaine A. recently posted..Old School Blogging – AprilMy Profile

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  10. You did it perfectly….perfectly put into words what my heart is wrestling with each day! Wanting more time and wanting time to stop all at once…remembering my baby days may be ending and looking at my beautiful girls and wondering where the time went. Beautiful post!

  11. Ugh. This one hurt to read. Does this define the mid-point at our life? The time from which everything changes and yet we don’t want it to? There are so many more amazing experiences and memories but we can’t ever go back. The memories are so enjoyable but it’s so bittersweet.
    Fadra recently posted..Shaklee 180: The 30 Day RevealMy Profile

  12. This is so beautifully written and so much a truth of parenting. I love your phrase, “drag at lightning speed.” Such a paradoxical truth that one can’t fully comprehend until they see small beings growing right in front of them.
    Sarah @Toddler Summer recently posted..Say Something NiceMy Profile

  13. Oh you have such a way of using words to paint pictures. Thanks for sharing such powerful and emotional words!
    Melissa recently posted..About my email from NASA . . .My Profile

  14. I love this! So beautiful, touching, & true. Waiting on our second one to arrive I understand the emotion of realizing just how fast they grow.

    Visiting from SITS.
    Jessi recently posted..4 Basic Steps to Creating a BudgetMy Profile

  15. I loved this, I just gave birth to our 4th and last baby and i am trying desperately to soak it all up. It feels like there is never enough time to enjoy it all.

  16. Your writing is so beautiful and the flow of it is just…wow! Your subject matter is close to my heart because I have a daughter who is constantly making me proud with each new thing she accomplishes and breaking my heart all in one breath. I’m visiting from #SITSsharefest!

  17. Oh my gosh, I love this post. This rings so true with both of my kids.
    Michelle recently posted..Out of the Box {Photography}My Profile

  18. This is beautiful.
    I look at my 14 year old son….with his huge personality and contagious laugh and realize that he’s not just a kid anymore. He’s turning into a young man. It melts my heart, makes me happy and kills me all the same. To know that your first born that charmed his way into your heart from the second you knew about him is now a charming, handsome young man is hard.
    Loved your post, made me think.
    Liz recently posted..Somewhere Along the Way….My Profile

  19. Just beautiful! Not as eloquent but I have said, “the days are long and the years are fast.” My husband being deployed and me alone with 3 babies is suddenly a time I remember with a bit of longing for those days of toddlers and babies. It happens so fast, and we want it to hurry and slow down all at the same time. My first born son is 13 and now I look up at him and I have to remember to enjoy this and not wish it away as it has its own challenges.

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  21. Tricia this is beautiful – and authentic:)!

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