Today I am so pleased to share the words of two women I admire. If you don’t already know Kathy and Melinda from Mothering from Scratch then read on and be sure to visit them at their place. I promise you will be inspired.
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How God Upsets Our Apple Cart Through Motherhood
Moms grow. First our bellies bulge. Then, our spirits grow leaps and bounds as our children shape our character. Change is usually sparked by the upset of the original order of things.
God upsets our apple cart just enough to allow the seeds of His love to be planted for solid growth. This has happened in both of our lives in painful but ultimately fruitful ways.
Here are a few Rotten Apples that God needed to toss from our mothering barrels:
The Rotten Apple of Anger: When I (Melinda) had kids, my perfectionist tendencies hit a road block. Two in fact. And although they were pretty adorable, they were also messy. I couldn’t do things quickly or perfectly (as if that were ever an attainable goal). I was exhausted, isolated and supremely frustrated with my inability to master this motherhood gig with ease.
When my kids were younger, that anger found it’s way out of my mouth and landed squarely on my precious little ones. I would “blow up” then feel incredible guilt and regret. I’d ask for their and God’s forgiveness. And then I’d wake up the next morning and repeat the same cycle of explosion, regret, apology. I saw with more clarity the damage I was doing to them and to our relationship. Suddenly, I wasn’t just asking for God’s forgiveness– I asked Him to help me be calm. I was determined to do whatever it took to keep my mouth closed.
The Rotten Apple of Control: {Melinda} Much of my anger stemmed from my lack of control. I wanted to steer every emotion, thought and action of two other people. It was exhausting. I was critical and demanding. I wanted what was best for them. I didn’t want them to make mistakes. But if I was really honest — in the deep recesses of my soul — I didn’t want to look bad. My mothering image was at stake. When I finally acknowledged that stark reality, something changed. Me. I still fight my tendency to control, but it doesn’t have mastery over me anymore.
The Rotten Apple of Impatience: {Kathy} “Do it now.” I resented that feeling of urgency, of wanting something to happen instantaneously. Babies and children don’t respond in the quick fashion we would like. Either they are too young, too slow or too needy to produce quick results we desire. God used these times to slow me down and give me pause. Why was I always in such a hurry? God tells us to “be still and know that He is God”–even when we are trying to get a 2 year old to put their shoes on or a teenager to pick up their laundry.
The Rotten Apple of Self-Sufficiency: {Kathy} I was raised in a single mother world. My mom was single until I was 10, my sisters were both single mothers. I grew up in the world of “I can anything if I put my mind to it–ALONE.” That’s a great notion if you are trying to solve math problems or conquer a bad habit, but in mothering we need help. Help comes from a variety of resources, some of which we need to recognize as useful. One of our biggest failures as mothers is not accepting help. God calls us to bear one another’s burdens. Often we are the “one” who needs to give up a little of our burden. Our reward is a greater sense of community, less reliance on ourselves and more on the Body of Christ.
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Kathy and Melinda met on a Little League baseball field. The coach —
Melinda’s kids’ pediatrician — also happened to be Kathy’s husband. They
discovered their shared passion for writing, as well as a common desire to
serve and encourage other mothers.
Kathy (the redhead) mothers four kids ranging in age from late teens to
early elementary years. Melinda (the brunette) is mother to an adorable
middle-school-aged son and a beautiful and entertaining teenage daughter.
They blog at http://motheringfromscratch.com.
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