When things get bad, I retreat. I hibernate a bit. I avoid friendly glances and do my best to stay out of even the most pleasant conversations. I don’t want to answer the ‘How are you?’ ‘How is she?’ ‘How is school going?’ ‘Does she just love it?’
Because I am hanging in, she is hanging in, school is going and no, she doesn’t just love it.
The tears shed by the females in our house this week could form a small river. I’m pretty sure even the cat has cried a few times in sympathy.
In the midst of so much emotion, so much anxiety, it’s tough to see things clearly. Just like in the early days of my girl’s life when I felt lost and overwhelmed, just like when she discovered her ability to throw a tantrum and I felt I was failing at this parenting thing, just like every other time when we’ve found ourselves here, it’s tough to step back and realize that this too shall pass.
It’s tough to believe everyone when they say that before we know it, the tears will stop. And even if she never skips off to school with a bounce in her step, barely pausing long enough to say goodbye, she will, one day, confidently give me that last hug and kiss and we’ll both walk off to our days with dry eyes.
In the quiet of my heart, I know you all are right. I know this will pass. I know she will master the things at school that cause her so much anxiety now. I know that we selected an amazing school for her and I know she will blossom there.
I know that because of the comments here and the emails and the phone calls and all of the reassuring words that have made their way to us over the past two weeks. Teachers and family and friends, all sending words to comfort us and help us see the brighter days ahead. For you, I am most grateful this week.
Yesterday I went to pick her up and she was playing in the sandbox. With other kids. And she introduced me to two of them. Before she left she confidently waved and said goodbye to each of them, calling them by name. They responded in kind. I smiled and my heart filled with joy.
Happy weekend, everyone! We’ve got a big balloon in the shape of a #3 hiding away and waiting for a very special birthday party this afternoon. It’s gonna be a beautiful weekend.