Paradox

It’s quiet.

The heater whirs. He click-clicks. Then I click-click. Upstairs, she rolls over. I hear the rustle of blankets through the monitor.

Those are the only noises around me.

But within is loud and chaotic.

So much to do. So much to plan.

Holidays. Trips. Gift-buying. Ending the year on a high note. Work. Appointments. Meetings. Decisions.

I really don’t like decisions. The experience of making so many does not make them easier. Nope, they get harder each time.

More complex. More pieces moving. More people affected. More shads of grey.

Should I stay here next week? Just me and Baby, alone in the house while he travels? Or should I seek comfort in the house where I grew up? Surround myself with parents and sibling? Not because I need the help. But because being there will make the week more than a tiny bit easier.

There are pros and cons to each.

Always pros and cons.

They say, when you are old and gently rocking towards the end of your life and reflecting, you will not remember the hours spent at work. You won’t look back on the times you sat at your desk. You’ll look back and remember the time with family and friends.

So is that it? The answer? The BIG PRO that out weights all of the cons.

I think it is.

But I really don’t like decisions. The experience of making so many does not make them easier.

Not at all.