I yelled at Baby today.
It’s not the first time that I’ve yelled at her. It may not even be the first time I’ve done so in public. But it doesn’t happen often. I’ve worked hard to learn how to control my temper when it comes to her. I know that she’s just learning and growing. And I know that when I yell, I only make the situation worse. It happens every time. I yell, she yells, we both get more angry and more frustrated.
Today was a long day. It was ‘one of those days.’ Everything felt just a little bit harder. Traffic was just a little bit worse. Meetings took just a little bit more out of me. And, I didn’t get to stop to eat lunch. A couple of years ago I used to be able to go all day without stopping to eat. These days, if I don’t get some semblance of something for lunch, I get CRANKY.
So when Baby refused to get into her car seat this evening, I lost it. M stepped in and took over. Of course all he had to do is come into the backseat and ask her to climb into her seat – and in she went. I sulked in the front seat, refusing to look up from my phone. I can hold a pretty good grudge.
But a few minutes into our drive home, Baby started babbling. I don’t even remember what she said, but I turned around to look at her. And she smiled at me. I smiled back. And I realized, then, that grudges have no place here. We will fight. I’m sure will fight a lot more as Baby grows. But I will always forgive her because she is my daughter. And she will always forgive me because I am her mommy. And on days like this one, that is comforting.